I was recently told by more than one person that I should play up my status as a “diversity candidate.”  

I have no idea what that means.  Besides being a minority, I have no idea how to play up my minority status.

Let’s see.  I could:

• add more vowels to my name
• affect El Guapo’s accent from Three Amigos
• try to sell interviews oranges after the interview

Anything else?

So

It finally happened.

My girlfriend and I broke up.  I will be generous and say that she did not dump me because I am unemployed.  My never ending unemployment, however, exacerbated our problems and crystalized the fact that we probably weren’t getting married.  All my interviews were out of town and she had no intention of leaving.  Just untenable.

One bright spot, I started working out a month ago, so I am back on track to getting slim again.  It is something I can fixate on while I try not to be sad.  

I did get an e-mail out of the blue today for an interview.  I am trying to not get too excited, but I hope I get it.  A new job and a change of scenery would be pretty cool.

So, even while I was employed, I was the captain of a team in a recreational league.  What started has a lark has become a major part of my life and the team is now mostly comprised of very very good friends.  We’re like a little sports cult and I am the leader.  This past year, the team has been pretty much the one success story of the year.  We are really good at our given sport.  Yesterday we lost the championship match in a very close fashion.  It was a good game, we played well, and I have no complaints other than the final outcome.  Great season all around.

I woke up today with a crippling depression (I am, of course, exaggerating for dramatic effect).  At first I thought the loss was finally hitting me, because I was taking it pretty well yesterday.  

But then I realized that the league was over.  There is a long winter coming, and I still don’t have a job.  And that is why I am depressed.

This weekend I received the following text message:

“So … what does a laid off associate do?”

My old employer laid off yet another young and bright eyed attorney.  I find it kind of depressing that I am such a pro at being unemployed that I am first person people think to contact.  I wish I was really good at something else.

Well, former co-worker, this is my list:

• gain 20 lbs.
• get into annoying spats with your girlfriend about nothaving a job
• start having really great hobbies.  My comedy has really taken off lately
• start liking college football for the first time, you know, just so you have something to do
• start watching USA original programming, basically for the same reason
• sporadically update a blog that depresses the 5 law school students that read it
• stay unemployed for 10 months.

Well, when I look at the list, I guess I am a pro.

I got a phone call from a headhunter.  That is freaking amazing.  At the end of the conversation she said, “Ricky, I am going to find you something.”  That is amazing.  A professional job-finder is going to help me find a job and if she does, my new employer would pay for her services.  

This blows my mind.  It may involve moving, but I have been out of work for 7 months now.  This shit is getting old.  I don’t want to move home.

Yesterday my girlfriend said, “It’s important to me that you find a job.”

Okay.  Well, it’s pretty important to me too.  

I need a full-time job by November.   Unemployment would run out by then and I would no longer be eligible for the COBRA deductible assistance.  Day to day city living would start to become too expensive to sustain for long.

I would have never guessed that I would be on the shelf this long.  I started growing a beard out of protest.  I won’t shave it until I have another interview, which could be a while.  On an unrelated note, my girlfriend has started a not-wanting to be near my face strike.  Seems fair.

In a few days, I will have been unemployed for 5 months.  When I got laid off, I thought that I would be unemployed for 6 months top.  We are getting to the end of that period and I am getting a little nervous.  I still have money and unemployment should last through the end of the year.  It is just very frustrating.  I am having trouble bringing my A-game to interviews.

In case there are other job searchers out there, here is a tip:

Do not make it easy for them to reject you.

For example, when writing a letter to a managing partner named Smith, do not begin your letter

“Dear Mt. Smith”

He may be a large attorney, but he is most likely not a mountain.

Finally got my COBRA letter from my firm.  I find COBRA mystifying.  I called the Department of Labor and they said I should qualify for the reduced COBRA premiums.  That is good to know because that will save me $300 a month.  One downside, I think I need to send checks to my old firm in order to pay my premiums.  It is a little cold to be forced to write checks to the company that shit-canned you.